OH SHIT! HE DIDN"T (POPSIE!!!!!!!)

Club Bouncer- Look! Everybody move back, move back. Hey you I say move!

(Four good looking guys in company of a couple of girls make their way towards the entrance of the club only to be halted by the angry looking bouncer)

Club Bouncer- Yes! Obasanjo’s children can I see your I.V’s, if you don’t have it bounce because no time today.

(By the look on the guys’ faces it’s clear to the overzealous bouncer that they are apparently not with their i.v’s)

Club Bouncer –Ok! Oshofree no time for here make una they waka abeg, Next!

(one of the boys sensing the tension whips out his communicator punches in a set of numbers and starts to converse with an unknown person slowing making his way back to the car)

Sharp Boy- Belucci how far it’s Ayo speaking we are at club dydx……Serious! I thought as much…. Ok would be there in a few. (Turning to his Friends) Sorry about that guys I think we got the wrong club. Just called a friend and was able to get the correct venue.

They later hit the alleged correct venue and had a very nice time (if only the girls knew that the placed phone call was to nobody in particular but was done to save the guys the embarrassment of being bounced)

Now, that creative embarrassment averter is what I call a buzzer beater. Some people like my cousin (Ayo) are very good at managing seemingly embarrassing situations while others like (yours truly) just bow their heads and pray for the floor to open up and swallow them. I have been in quite a number of embarrassing situations but none as embarrassing as that which I want to tell you.

It so happened that I had my secondary education in a school owned by my Dad. Lucky! I honestly don’t think so; you see, I have a father who likes giving examples with his children (positive or negative)

Mr. Brown- Can you imagine! Mr. Sasuke, they caught my child sneaking out of school yesterday

Mr. Uchiha- Oh! Yours was sneaking out; they caught my child Sasuke banging a girl on the school Roof. ROOOOOOF! Mr. Brown, can you imagine, who bangs on the school roof for christ sakes?

Mr. Brown- Sorry Sir I can’t imagine I think I should take my leave now.

Yes, that’s my Dad! (Roof) Whenever, wherever (reminds you of Shakira abi?) he just lets it go without giving the slightest caution.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my Dad he’s seen me through it all, the highs, lows, pain, regrets, disappointment, joy, laughter, success and what’s the last one again Ah! EMBARRASSMENT.Ok Peep this

It was my final year as a senior and we just resumed a term can’t remember which, SS3 men that was the shit because you had it all power, authority, immunity and the babes in both junior and senior school. I wasn’t a prefect or shit but men was I the SHIIIIIITT with another capital T (Psyches aside, I was in high demand, my Folks had endowed me with their good genes and all).

Anyhoos, it was a very beautiful Friday morning and the bell signaling every student to assemble had just been rung, I was dressed in a neat plain white long sleeve shirt with matching blue pants, I could even see a mirror of myself in my shoes (was I or was I looking good). I made my way majestically towards the assembly ground waving at a few fans (chic’s! I had plenty) as I basked in my own royalty.

Praise and worship went on as usual, then the school and national anthems respectively, a few law breakers were brought to book, announcements were taken and just as the principal was about to round up proceedings a message came telling him that the proprietor (Daddy) would be coming around to give a brief Charge.

The Proprietor (daddy) made his way up the fight of stairs to the elevation above. I could hear the murmuring of students as they all stole glances at me to see if I was blushing (of course I was, e easy to be celebrity?) little did I know that I would soon be wishing I had stabbed assembly (damn the devil to hell!!!)

The proprietor cleared his voice and began his speech

Proprietor- I want to welcome all students back from the long holidays, hope you all had a wonderful break?

Students- YES we did (the students replied)

Proprietor- Good, as you can see, changes have been made to your environment to ensure that you have the best in your academic pursuit. We have a new basketball court, renovated the hostels, classrooms and………hmmm that reminds me, (Time bomb counting from 10 secs). I see that you students have not been using the convenience at your disposal optimally. Most of these places have experienced an annoying degree of blockages arising from improper use of toiletries; some students even go as far as using Paper to clean up, this is grossly unacceptable (Time bomb detonating at 5 Secs). In short if I had my way I would ban even the use of tissue. Students should learn to use just water to clean up as it is even more hygienic, that is you get to wash the place well. As a matter of fact in my house :( Timer out….. BLAM….GBOSA….BOOOSSH) Where is Sasuke, Sasuke!

(At this juncture I was comatose, A vegetable, I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me as I feared the inevitable. All I could mutter to my self were these words: “OH SHIT, HE DIDN’t”)

Proprietor- WHERE IS MY SON SASUKE!!!!

Sasuke- I am here sir (feebly)

Proprietor- Sasuke! Do we use toiletries at home; is it not those empty bottles of Eva water kept beside our Water closet we use to clean up?

(An SS3 student for Christ sake’s! I could visibly see my reputation thin out, and I still had to answer the darn question)

Sasuke- Yes sir

Proprietor- LOUDER I CAN’T HEAR YOU

Sasuke- (looking like someone who had been caught with his hands down his pants) YES SIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

For the next few weeks my social life was next to zero, I was the laughing stock of both my peers and juniors… What can I say despite that humongous embarrassment I still love my Dad.

Watch out for my next story in this series

Sasuke