DRUNKEN BLUES

Take one beer for my head now, take one beer for my head oh! Ewu! I for done marry oh ogogoro na you cause am oh! I for done marry ogogoro na you cause am oh!.

Bloggers it is not easy oh! But come to think of it, what exactly do people gain from getting high? The thing tire me self. Do not get me wrong I have not come here to preach to you guys because its almost too certain that I might end up with a drink before the day ends (very funny guys I certainly would'nt consider myself an alcoholic but pardon me if I indulge myself once in a while).

I grew up around people that drink and so it was all too easy for me to endear my self to the colored bottles (I prefer green by the way). I guess I had my first drink in J.S.S 3 or thereabout (I bet some of you even started earlier than I did…lol). Anyways drinking for me was one thing and getting high was another. Most of my alcoholic friends used to tell me that I simply never got high because I never took beyond my limits.The irony of the matter however is that, I never actually got the chance of knowing what my limit was as I only stopped consuming whenever I noticed I was getting full (the same feeling you get when you consume food). Usually, the ritual for me after such consumption is to go to the loo, pee and burp like someone with no good home training. Excuse me for a sec.'BUURRRRP' yes! that feels so much better (and i do have good toilet manners except when drunk of course...lol)

My inability to get high made me try a whole load of unconventional stuff like ‘Shekpe’ (roots dipped in gin) and some brand of native spirits. Somehow I guess these weren’t my thing as I just didn’t feel their steez. Anyways I soon started experimenting more on spirits and all of a sudden I started to get a hang of this stronger brand of drinks. Little did I know that I was starting the journey towards getting FUCKED UP. Anyhoos! Follow me as I take you on this journey of discovery.

Sometime during the month of July my cousin had decided to throw a party to celebrate his birthday. We had decided to throw the party in the house so as avoid cost and also create and environment for people to loose it ‘Fi le’ (leave it). My cousin and I rushed off to the Palms to get drinks for the party (ehn! Did I hear anybody say Awoof? You better not.)

Anyhoos we got a couple of drinks and started heading back home as our guests were already arriving. On our way home I noticed a supermarket and decided to still splurge some money on spirits. I went in and ordered for a brand recommended by a friend.

Sasuke- Madam! Please can I have a bottle of Absolute?

Madam- sure which one do you want the 40% or 50%

With a smirk on my face

Sasuke- madam, give me both.

I picked up the bill and made my way back to the car. In about ten minutes we were already home. I jumped out of the car with the drinks and rushed off to take a shower. after taking a shower I got into my 'kaks' (clothes) and made my way to the palour to set up the Gbedu ( na me be Dj una one try?)

Cousin- Sasuke we’ve been waiting on you abeg set up the deck

Sasuke- on it oh!

30 minutes later the party done dey rock. I had a bottle of shine-shine bobo with me as I spun the tracks. The party people were already sipping easy (nothing do us).

An hour later I can gladly tell you that there was no more lady or gentleman in the house plus I was almost through with my third bottle of shine shine (me I no be gentleman at all). Chics were grinding bobo’s like they were pepper. Na today! I got up from my seat and made my way to the kitchen to get the bottle of Absolute. I got a mini glass, made my way back to my seat and poured myself a drink. My eyes were watery as the first shot hit rock bottom ‘AKAMABOSA!!’

A chic came to pull me from my seat and I was soon ‘lorileing’ away. Ehn! Who dem be? Who born monkey give am pomo? Fi le. Gba be, She be! First I want to dance with you pere, omo ma lo ro kpe mo kere (another shot of vodka hit the dust) Gongo Aso otu pa oh! anywhere I dey Haba! Their papa left testicles (another shot of vodka greeted my throat)

I was rocking away with no dignity. I honestly do not know how many shots of vodka I took but all I can remember is that I had my shirt off and was harassing my tipsy dance partner voraciously.

I do not really understand if it was the dancing that didn’t make me feel the effect of the vodka instantly but I soon started getting the slightest hint that I was FUCKED when a friend asked me to escort her to get a cab at the junction.

Bubu- Sasuke please could you escort me to the junction to get a cab?

Sasuke- alrrrigggght noooo wahaaalla.

Bubu- Sasuke are you ok?

I wonder why she be dey ask me this jamb question. Shey she no dey see the answer for my eye ni?

Sasuke- Bubu don’t worry I am ok lets go (walking her to the door)

Bubu- Sasuke where are you going to without your shirt?

Sasuke- my shirt, what shirt? My friend I am fully dressed can’t you see? ( clutching my self in the process. Oh! boy I no wear cloth true true oh!)

Sasuke- okay hold on a minute ( I rushed of the the seater to get my shirt)

Sasuke- Oya! lest grow

Bubu- Sasuke are you high?

Sasuke- what nonstence is zis do I look highhh?

Bubu- Sasuke you are high

Sasuke- I am snot high

Bubu- let me get your cousin so you do not go and sleep in the gutter on your way back

Sasuke- na yous go skip gutter

She dashes back into the house and comes out with my cousin

Cousin- (giggling) oya lets go’

Bloggers as we descended the staircase if una see the way I take hold my cousin. im be like say the ground dey come meet me

Cousin- Sasuke was wrong with you abi you wan fall me?

Sasuke- Baba no vex im be like say I done gas out for the one wey I dey so

My cousin and Bubu both burst out laughing

Sasuke- Yes I admit it I am fucked abeg I no dey form na una hand I dey now

We got to the junction and started waiting for a taxi. I immediately saw a cars light in the distance and started waving frantically shouting on top of my eyes Taxi! Taxi! Taxi! I could see from the corner of my eye that my cousin and Bubu were not trying to stop the cab. I started jumping and waiving to attract the car.

Bubu and my cousin start laughing frantically.

Cousin- Sasuke na wha for you oh! shey you know fit see say na Camry 2008 you dey stop as taxi!

Bubu finally got a cab some minutes later. Bloggers na when me and my cousin dey waka go house na im I come realize say assuming say na only me escort Bubu come find taxi e for too sure say na inside gutter I for sleep that night.

Sasuke- Baba thanks oh! For escorting me.

Cousin- (laughing) no lele

Bloggers I bet you can already figure how the rest of my night went. Lots of vomiting and headache. All in the name of getting high. God punish Absolute. but that one no mean say if una get parri make una no invite me sha. Oya! take one beer for my head now, take one beer for my head oh!

Watch out for part 2

PS- Una no even ask me wetin do the second bottle of Absolute? people dey drink shaaaaa!!

Its your Boy Sasuke