Thursday, July 3, 2008

THE MIRACLE


I was arranging my room and taking stock of my clothing inventory sometime last week when I ran across some of my old university pics. I couldn’t help but marvel at how few of them I had in my possession. Well! It wasn’t like I took so many pictures and then developed a habit of giving them out; it was more of the fact that I hardly used to take pictures. I just was never up for it plus there was also the extra perk of having to pay to collect them pics. Maybe if taking pictures were for free I would probably have wall draped my room with images of my happy self (but as them come dey pay nko?).

The average photographer’s customers back in school were usually girls. I do not know whether it stems from a girls superficiality or what not but boy! Do women love to take pictures. For some, it’s like a ritual of looking into the mirror. (dem no dey use eye see wetin get flash even if them dey shit and you enter toilet with camera dem go wan say cheese). So you can imagine how much money these photographers used to make daily from the female population and I am sure if they had their way them for no mind if every body for the school be woman.

The photographers stand in my School was one that attracted different categories of girls. The fine, The beautiful, The cute, The Sexy, The Okay, The Poyo(These are the people ugliness pecked), The wowo ( these are the ones Ugliness Kissed), The Poyoyo (These are the ones ugliness made love to) and then the unmistakable Atutupoyoyo ( these are the ones Ugliness raped violently).

Now a photographer’s job is one that I have admired in a long while. You see Bloggers these people have seen it all and taken it all. As a matter of fact I feel a photographer should be one of the greatest liars as well as one of the best secret keepers in the world. Bloggers please I want you all to give a round of applause for the photographer because them too try. Do you know the level of concentration it takes for a photographer to focus his camera lens on an individual whose looks could shatter the focus of the camera? or better still do you know the level of mantra a photographer has to chant before telling an ugly looking girl to smile at the camera? coupled with the fact that he has to say 'Fine girl say cheese...naaaaa'. Na only photographer go see monkey call am dove. (Bloggers abeg which way now! the photographer whayo don too much..e too muuuuuccchhh!!!) and what worsens the case is that these individuals want multiple shots of themselves taken. How the photographer no go sweat? Most baffling of it all is that in luring his customers the photographer would say things like ‘sssssssss… Picture for the fine girl’ or ‘Sweet Babe come take picture now’. Its so annoying when you find these so called wowo girls responding to his advertisement. This is the way I see it Bloggers, if I dey waka with Leonardo Dicaprio and one yeye photographer say ‘sssssss… Fine man come and take picture’ I no go even do like person wey hear because I know say na Leonardo d man dey call no be me. ( Shewwwww!! person dey respect im self for this life oh! most especially when person no wan make them use soap papez am)

These photographers go see person wey wowo and them no go fit tell am say ‘ Madam I no sure say this picture go commot well oh!’ but because of money wey dem wan make dem go take the picture. Make I nak una wan tori wey happen when I dey school.

Sasuke- Chuks hurry up oh! I want to get breakfast

ChuksSasuke chill immediately I am done brushing we would head up

In another 10- 15minutes we were on our way to the cafeteria to get a fix

Sasuke- Chuks! I ran into that Sylvia girl in the library

Chuks- what happened did you tell her the 411?

Sasuke- How now! The environment wasn’t conducive for busting

Chuks- the earlier you start that girls job the better for you oh! cos there are quite a number of Hyenas on her case

Sasuke- Na today! Nothing like a little competition my brother

Sasuke- Chuks please arrange the drinks while I get the food

Chuks- No doubt

In another 8 minutes we where at our table munching away

SasukeChuks that reminds me, I need to get to the bank

Chuks- Yeah! Me too

Sasuke- I guess we can do that after our meal

Chuks- no lele now

15minutes later we were on our way out of the cafeteria and heading to take a bus to the bank. All of a sudden Chuks started poking me violently in the ribs

Chuks- Sasuke come see this babe oh!

Sasuke- Which babe, where she dey?

Chuks- she dey go under JT Stand (pointing me to the direction of the girl)

Bloggers this girl wey I see falls under the unmistakable category. Her gait and demeanor clearly showed that someone or something had ticked her off

Girl-JT what the hell is this? I can’t pay you for this picture you have taken

JT- why now? Wetin do the picture wey you no go fit pay me?

Na this place the girl for fuck up

Girl- JT I can’t pay you oh! look, I am not looking fine in this picture

Chuks and I exchanged a puzzled look (Opabie-oh! which kind temptation be this for this early mor-mor. E be like say this girl think say she be Tyra banks)

JT- Ah! you no fit talk say you no go pay me oh!

Girl- I said I am not paying you a dime. Look at the kind of rubbish you took.

By this time people had gathered as a result of the ensuing raucous

Girl- JT I said I am not paying you a dime and there is nothing you can do about it.what nonsense is this?

Bloggers I think una understand where my tori dey go because the thing clear say this girl wan put hand inside tortoise yansh

JT- Which kind friction be dis ?Make una come see me see wahala oh! how you go say you no go pay me my money abi person tell you say I be magician? No be the thing wey I see I go snap? which kind miracle you wan make i perform? if na fine girl i for even hear word. You con come here dey tell me say na rubbish picture I take. Na you be the rubbish dat na why the picture no gree commot well. yeye

Bloggers me and Chuks wan laugh kill ourselves make una see how person dey use soap take rub herself. well I still blame the photographer because if im done tell the girl say ‘Sister I for like make you go meet another photographer wey get Photoshop make im snap you because me I no get’

On a lightest note concerning this wowo issue, im get one guy wey one of my friend yab. For my life I never hear wowo yab wey potent reach this one. I just want to share this with you guys.

I was in my room playing Pro-evolution soccer with a couple of friends and usually at such times the room is always filled with players and spectators so technically I sort of had a full house. It is usually at this point that boys are at their nastiest best with their tongues. In other words it is at such times that boys yab or stroke the hell out of one another.

Well, we had been trash talking for like an hour and unconventionally decided to take a break and just focus on the game. Bloggers na so one of our paddy wey dem dey call Emeka and the guy dey the wowo category enter room start to dey bone. (Apparently, he had misplaced his room key and was searching for it frantically) Normally this guy wowo, to come dey bone again come shift am enter the category of poyoyo. He started ransacking the room and cursing under his breath.

Meanwhile im get one of my friends called Sula. He had the nastiest mouth of us all. Sula had had been studying Emeka keenly from the bed he lay. All of a sudden he sat up and sarcastically launched a well rounded yab at Emeka.

Sula- ‘Emeka! Wetin Happen Now? Why you dey vex, Abi you go look mirror again?

The tranquility existing in the room was broken into smithereens with laughter.

Abeg if you have ever heard a wowo yab hotter than this please holla


It’s your boy Sasuke

50 comments:

NaijaBabe said...

For reals?
As in wait...I need to close this and come back and then verify!

Allied said...

Lol @ "Emeka! Wetin Happen Now? Why you dey vex, Abi you go look mirror again"

That is classic!! but why now? why the name "Atutupoyoyo"?

Shey you dont know he is my male alter ego? I no like oh sasuke

Take time oh!

bumight said...

lol! first time here...I think

i remember when i was in the university in naija, my friends and I used to take pictures almost everyday, at least everytime we had a new outfit/combination
we even had our own personal photographer that would be mad if we went to someone else!

those were the times!

NaijaBabe said...

Sheeeeeeeeeeettttttttttttttttttttt...gosh that was funny mehn!
Gosh yo u are such a jester. I wonder what its like meeting you in person. My cheeks would hurt die from the laughing.
Kai mehn, naija boys have bad mouth...as in babes suffered in sec school...ah mehn!
This is is funny mehn

30+ said...

Sasuke, why now why Atutupoyoyo. I will have to start laughing every time I see his name now.

Lmao @ "Na you be the rubbish dat na why the picture no gree commot well" - What a disgrace.

Emeka you don go look mirror again - Oh my dayz

Free-flowing Florida said...

& i tot i saw 0 comments!!!!!

Free-flowing Florida said...

dat sula na yeye person! i hope him am fine like Ramsey Noah

princesa said...

LMAO!!!
Sasuke u no go kill me for my mama!

But u know say u be fine bobo now, if u and Leonardo de Caprio dey waka and u hear fine boy, u better answer kia kia o!

LG said...

@...dem no dey use eye see wetin get flash even if them dey shit and you enter toilet with camera dem go wan say cheese:
sasuke u nor well o, lolllllll

chai... poor emeka, but nor be him fault say him be dwowo na,lol

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Rolling on the freaking floor laughing my ass of at ''Why you dey vex. Abi you look mirror again''. CHEI!!! I have learned a new yab now. Nobody should vex me today because I am armed and dangerous with this potent yab. Ewo!!!!
But that girl messed up.See falling hand again. Im sure the marra could have been solved with common N200!!!
As always, your post made me laugh!

Enigma said...

LMAO!!

I agree with NDQ....i don learn new yab!

Jaycee said...

LOLLLLL...I neva hear any wowo yap better than this one Sasuke...

what is "the level of concentration it takes for a photographer to focus his camera lens on an individual whose looks could shatter the focus of the camera?" LOLLL...

"JT, I can't pay you oh! Look, I am not looking FINE in this picture." LOLLLL....oh my gosh, this post is so not fair!

The part where u said he shd have told her he didn't have photoshop is HILARIOUS!!!! Lollll...ahhhhhh! BUT WHYYYY???

Jaycee said...

Let atutupoyoyo come and catch u first!!!!

Omosewa said...

Lmao@ur definitions, buhahahahahaha

Jarrai said...

Heheheheheheheh...omg!! i am just dying here laughing my head off

‘Emeka! Wetin Happen Now? Why you dey vex, Abi you go look mirror again?

That is funny...Sula needs to be a stand up comedian...HAHAHAHAHAH

Sasuke said...

@naijababe- yeah you are the first.lol@ meeting me in person. it is possible you have make you no know...funny enuff you can never tell my personality from my looks.

@allied- i no know say atutupoyoyo na blogger name oh! e gba mi! which kind market i done buy now? but how person go call himself atutupoyoyo? well i am suspicious... i go go visit him blog

@bumight- nice to have you around. well if you and your friends fine then nothing do una but if na the opposite then i hail the photographer wey snap una picture..lol
just kiddn .i know say u go fine no be small

@30+- my mother in the Lord at least if anybody no believe me you suppose no say i never even here of this blogger wey them dey call atutupoyoyo. but i still dey suspect the guy sha.
me self bow when sula nak the guy dat kind yab

@free flowing Florida- how you take know self? the sula sef just dey okay no be say na so im fine self.
but you must concede that he sure put the nail in the coffin..lol

@princesa- babe u know say i love you but na people like you dey give person wrong belief. well me i maintain where i dey sha nothin do me.

how you dey?

@lg- my dear na so the girls dem be that time.anything with flash dey make them one talk 'cheese' i tire oh!

@nigeriandramaqueen- my dear i appreciate the fact say you done learn one yab for my blog but if you go use am for person wey big pass you, ehhmmm my hand no dey oh!
lol.. nice yabs abi?

@enigma-i beg una oh make una no go yab who fit beat una abeg..lol

@jaycee- my Christian sister abeg i be no know say any blogger like atutupoyoyo dey exist oh! b4 the guy come bluetooth me. please start interceeding on my behalf...lol

Parakeet said...

Sasuke you wan break my ribs? You no go kill me with laughter.

My favorite quote "The Poyo(These are the people ugliness pecked), The wowo ( these are the ones Ugliness Kissed), The Poyoyo (These are the ones ugliness made love to) and then the unmistakable Atutupoyoyo ( these are the ones Ugliness raped violently)."

mizchif said...

Sasuke, u no go kill me o! Thank God say i no dey class, because dem for catch me for sure. I swear, u had me rolling on d floor.

But for real, me sef i dey hail dose photographers. Dat babe for jus jejely collect her true image & likeness dey waka, instead of to announce her wowority.

Mz. Dee said...

sasuke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I say u will not kill me..!!

Omo see laff wey dey my bele.. kai!
Ugliness violently raped?!?! LMAO!!!!

I de gbadun this post jare!

Sting said...

LOL @ ur description of the various degrees of ugliness. I remember one photographer telling a girl at my secondary sch that the camera doesn't do plastic surgery after she complained that her picture was ugly. No be lie!

OluwaDee said...

lol!
Sasuke, u never cease to make me laugh.
Does Atutupoyo really mean d worst of all wowo's?

Charizard said...

As in this guy dey craze Kai! I swear....

Of which I come get a confession o...

I dey poyoyo levels o...egba mi o...

Is there hope for me?

darkelcee said...

lolll

someone told a gist sha

a wowo person was told he was fearfully made by God.

the wonderful part was omitted!

zara (my alter ego) said...

LMAO!!!

SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE said...

heheheheh, hahahaha!!!!

Ms.O said...

OMG U JSUT KILLED ME OOO!!!!..BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!..WOW..First time here,will be back for sure!!

nneoma said...

"The Poyo(These are the people ugliness pecked), The wowo ( these are the ones Ugliness Kissed), The Poyoyo (These are the ones ugliness made love to) and then the unmistakable Atutupoyoyo ( these are the ones Ugliness raped violently)."

this part had me dying in laughter.

Today's ranting said...

This is off da hook! Na wa for all dem terminologies wey u dey take describe ugly ppl So ugliness get grade. Abeg u cracked me ribs wiv this one.

Sasuke said...

@parakeet- breaking your ribs is not my intention but how i for take do now?
Good to know you enjoyed the quotes

@mizchif- thank God say you no dey class oh!lol..
no mind the yeye girl
how you dey?

@mz.dee- nothing do you my sister
how you dey?

@LOL...camera no dey do plastic surgery. i hail that photographer.
how are you doing dear?

@Oluwadee-lol. yes oh atutupoyoyo na the king of wowo.hope say you no know anybody wey firt this description?
hope you had a swell weekend

@charizard- oh boy if na play you dey play make you stop am! which way now? the only hope for you na im be say you must marry woman wey fine make the wowo genes no spread go your children..lol

how are you holding up man?

@darkelcee- my personal person that is a nice yab.lol

hope you had a splendid weekend dear?

@zara- abeg make you suffry laugh oh!

how you dey

@someone else's life- norrin do you
how you dey?

@ms.o-nice of you to stop by
hope you had a wonderful weekend?

@nneoma- thanks for stopping by. glad to be of service.

how you dey?

@today's ranting- nothing do you my dear.
hope you had a fab weekend?

BlogVille Idol said...

the contestants have their songs up on blogville idol page ..pls run over there to listen to then and pls vote

naijaleta said...

I'm glad to announce to you that you've been tagged. Please go to my blog and read the rules.

Afrobabe said...

lmao...kai that babe no try at all oh...those kind pics na to throway forget say u snap oh....

As for that emeka fellow...hmmm....the wowo guy for just beat am up...na the only reply wey him need be that..

Aphrodite said...

He he heh ehe
ha ha hah ah
U are one hell of a funny guy sasuke!

Duchess said...

lol........sasuke uve come again ooo....now am laffin hysterically at work...if dem sack me...i go pack come ur house o.
Atutupoyoyo ( these are the ones Ugliness raped violently).".....if atutupoyoyo catch you.

rayo said...

sasuke, haba, if i get beaten 4 usin that insult on someone, na u i go cry come meet oh. this is just classic sasuke, u really are hillarious

Queen of My Castle said...

I only have one question: what DOES Atutupoyoyo means, other than the blogger Atutu's monkier?

fantasy queen said...

LMAO...havent heard that one before...that was some mean sturvs.
plus why atutupoyoyo na? atutu is a fine boy no pimple oh...berra give another name sharpish!

naijaleta said...

Sula's yab got me reeling in laughter. Nice one. I can only imagine.

Uzezi said...

always funny you. been a while. how u dey?

Uzezi said...

oya update now. saw ur comment on my blog and thot u ve updated

Naija Sutra said...

Sasuks!!!!!, you are funny oh

Parakeet said...

Sasuke I cant believe you've not updated...wassup now?

rayo said...

guy, wetin dey hapn now, y u neva upd8

wellsbaba said...

LMAO! uno go kill person I jst dey like read ur post commot but I'd2comment on dis one....u b rude boi......

Doja said...

Yes taking pictures was a favourite pastime in those days. I

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

oga, update oh

anonymous gal said...

ha. i missed ur rib crackin posts

Smaragd said...

I am laffing my Ass off at this post! Sasuke-san, i can imagine what sort of person u are in my head already!

poyo, wowo, poyoyo, atutupoyoyo! ROTFLMAO! u are a laff a minute. care to be MC at my friend's wedding?

that girl and JT! lol, that is what yoruba pple mean when they say "you put on light to look for trouble!" lol

oya come and update o, abi den don kidnap u ni?

ibiluv said...

first tyme here........i like.......

Buttercup said...

"The Poyo(These are the people ugliness pecked), The wowo ( these are the ones Ugliness Kissed), The Poyoyo (These are the ones ugliness made love to) and then the unmistakable Atutupoyoyo ( these are the ones Ugliness raped violently)." buhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!

gosh, im in my skul's library as i type, it took all i had not to burst out laughin!

evey bit of this post was funny! how the hell do u do it???