THE MIRACLE

I was arranging my room and taking stock of my clothing inventory sometime last week when I ran across some of my old university pics. I couldn’t help but marvel at how few of them I had in my possession. Well! It wasn’t like I took so many pictures and then developed a habit of giving them out; it was more of the fact that I hardly used to take pictures. I just was never up for it plus there was also the extra perk of having to pay to collect them pics. Maybe if taking pictures were for free I would probably have wall draped my room with images of my happy self (but as them come dey pay nko?).

The average photographer’s customers back in school were usually girls. I do not know whether it stems from a girls superficiality or what not but boy! Do women love to take pictures. For some, it’s like a ritual of looking into the mirror. (dem no dey use eye see wetin get flash even if them dey shit and you enter toilet with camera dem go wan say cheese). So you can imagine how much money these photographers used to make daily from the female population and I am sure if they had their way them for no mind if every body for the school be woman.

The photographers stand in my School was one that attracted different categories of girls. The fine, The beautiful, The cute, The Sexy, The Okay, The Poyo(These are the people ugliness pecked), The wowo ( these are the ones Ugliness Kissed), The Poyoyo (These are the ones ugliness made love to) and then the unmistakable Atutupoyoyo ( these are the ones Ugliness raped violently).

Now a photographer’s job is one that I have admired in a long while. You see Bloggers these people have seen it all and taken it all. As a matter of fact I feel a photographer should be one of the greatest liars as well as one of the best secret keepers in the world. Bloggers please I want you all to give a round of applause for the photographer because them too try. Do you know the level of concentration it takes for a photographer to focus his camera lens on an individual whose looks could shatter the focus of the camera? or better still do you know the level of mantra a photographer has to chant before telling an ugly looking girl to smile at the camera? coupled with the fact that he has to say 'Fine girl say cheese...naaaaa'. Na only photographer go see monkey call am dove. (Bloggers abeg which way now! the photographer whayo don too much..e too muuuuuccchhh!!!) and what worsens the case is that these individuals want multiple shots of themselves taken. How the photographer no go sweat? Most baffling of it all is that in luring his customers the photographer would say things like ‘sssssssss… Picture for the fine girl’ or ‘Sweet Babe come take picture now’. Its so annoying when you find these so called wowo girls responding to his advertisement. This is the way I see it Bloggers, if I dey waka with Leonardo Dicaprio and one yeye photographer say ‘sssssss… Fine man come and take picture’ I no go even do like person wey hear because I know say na Leonardo d man dey call no be me. ( Shewwwww!! person dey respect im self for this life oh! most especially when person no wan make them use soap papez am)

These photographers go see person wey wowo and them no go fit tell am say ‘ Madam I no sure say this picture go commot well oh!’ but because of money wey dem wan make dem go take the picture. Make I nak una wan tori wey happen when I dey school.

Sasuke- Chuks hurry up oh! I want to get breakfast

Chuks –Sasuke chill immediately I am done brushing we would head up

In another 10- 15minutes we were on our way to the cafeteria to get a fix

Sasuke- Chuks! I ran into that Sylvia girl in the library

Chuks- what happened did you tell her the 411?

Sasuke- How now! The environment wasn’t conducive for busting

Chuks- the earlier you start that girls job the better for you oh! cos there are quite a number of Hyenas on her case

Sasuke- Na today! Nothing like a little competition my brother

Sasuke- Chuks please arrange the drinks while I get the food

Chuks- No doubt

In another 8 minutes we where at our table munching away

Sasuke – Chuks that reminds me, I need to get to the bank

Chuks- Yeah! Me too

Sasuke- I guess we can do that after our meal

Chuks- no lele now

15minutes later we were on our way out of the cafeteria and heading to take a bus to the bank. All of a sudden Chuks started poking me violently in the ribs

Chuks- Sasuke come see this babe oh!

Sasuke- Which babe, where she dey?

Chuks- she dey go under JT Stand (pointing me to the direction of the girl)

Bloggers this girl wey I see falls under the unmistakable category. Her gait and demeanor clearly showed that someone or something had ticked her off

Girl-JT what the hell is this? I can’t pay you for this picture you have taken

JT- why now? Wetin do the picture wey you no go fit pay me?

Na this place the girl for fuck up

Girl- JT I can’t pay you oh! look, I am not looking fine in this picture

Chuks and I exchanged a puzzled look (Opabie-oh! which kind temptation be this for this early mor-mor. E be like say this girl think say she be Tyra banks)

JT- Ah! you no fit talk say you no go pay me oh!

Girl- I said I am not paying you a dime. Look at the kind of rubbish you took.

By this time people had gathered as a result of the ensuing raucous

Girl- JT I said I am not paying you a dime and there is nothing you can do about it.what nonsense is this?

Bloggers I think una understand where my tori dey go because the thing clear say this girl wan put hand inside tortoise yansh

JT- Which kind friction be dis ?Make una come see me see wahala oh! how you go say you no go pay me my money abi person tell you say I be magician? No be the thing wey I see I go snap? which kind miracle you wan make i perform? if na fine girl i for even hear word. You con come here dey tell me say na rubbish picture I take. Na you be the rubbish dat na why the picture no gree commot well. yeye

Bloggers me and Chuks wan laugh kill ourselves make una see how person dey use soap take rub herself. well I still blame the photographer because if im done tell the girl say ‘Sister I for like make you go meet another photographer wey get Photoshop make im snap you because me I no get’

On a lightest note concerning this wowo issue, im get one guy wey one of my friend yab. For my life I never hear wowo yab wey potent reach this one. I just want to share this with you guys.

I was in my room playing Pro-evolution soccer with a couple of friends and usually at such times the room is always filled with players and spectators so technically I sort of had a full house. It is usually at this point that boys are at their nastiest best with their tongues. In other words it is at such times that boys yab or stroke the hell out of one another.

Well, we had been trash talking for like an hour and unconventionally decided to take a break and just focus on the game. Bloggers na so one of our paddy wey dem dey call Emeka and the guy dey the wowo category enter room start to dey bone. (Apparently, he had misplaced his room key and was searching for it frantically) Normally this guy wowo, to come dey bone again come shift am enter the category of poyoyo. He started ransacking the room and cursing under his breath.

Meanwhile im get one of my friends called Sula. He had the nastiest mouth of us all. Sula had had been studying Emeka keenly from the bed he lay. All of a sudden he sat up and sarcastically launched a well rounded yab at Emeka.

Sula- ‘Emeka! Wetin Happen Now? Why you dey vex, Abi you go look mirror again?

The tranquility existing in the room was broken into smithereens with laughter.

Abeg if you have ever heard a wowo yab hotter than this please holla

It’s your boy Sasuke