NEVER FELT SO STUPID!!

A drought is defined to be a long period of dry weather or any prolonged shortage. Many of us must have experienced a drought in one part of our lives or the other. It could be a drought in our finances, academics, physical fitness, relationship, job and many more. We often feel like a piece of worn out shit during this period as we wonder why the regular just isn’t happening for us and we are just too keen to see that bright colored cloud with a silver lining signaling the end of the drought.

At moments like this we just wish the world could just stand still while we screamed our lungs out. The long and short is that we just feel like a 9inch rod has just been shoved up our arse.

I got a whiff of this drought in my second year at the university. Yours truly experienced a drought and this was no ordinary drought. It was a drought most nightmares were made out of, most especially if you considered yourself a stud (anyone who has seen 40days and 40nights should already have an inkling to what kind of drought I faced but for those slow coaches who still haven’t caught up, well this drought just happened to blow into my sexual life. Hold your horses for a second! No! I wasn’t temporarily impotent neither did I experience any form of bizarre speech flaw when chatting up the ladies, I definitely didn’t loose my taste and touch in women and neither was I under any form of oat not to get screwed till a particular date.

Bloggers the koko is or was that I just wasn’t and couldn’t get anyone to shag. Tough luck! I know.

My session ended on a low note and I made a resolve (unlike my 40 days and 40 nights bud, Josh Hartnet to ‘Chop’ (nak oh sorry screw) at least three different chics before the end of the holidays. (People dey resolve to get money, build house, buy motor but my own na to chop sorry nak sorry screw 3 different chics. Na wa for me oh! but as dat one come be my challenge nko?) anyhoos abeg make una follow me see how this my tori end.

Sasuke- Hello! Skida , wetin dey now?

Skida- Baba I dey oh! how runs now?

Sasuke- Runs tight but that no be why I call you. Skida I get one big katakata

(I guess you all would be wondering why I chose to share my problems with Skida? You see Skida is what I would love to call a woman magnet. He has the knack of surrounding himself with a quality amount of women and most importantly he was the only person that could get me the hell out of my predicament)

Skida-Ehn! Why you come call me?

Sasuke- Skida I never ‘chop’ (not had sex) for the past six months.

Skida- wetin you mean say you never chop? Abi una no get food for house?

Sasuke- Skida stop being sarcastic. Wetin I dey try talk be say I never ‘chop’ woman for the past six months. 'Congi' wan kill me for here all my balls done full throw way.

(Skida bursts out laughing)

Skida- Sasuke you no go kill me. ok! Wetin you wan make I do for you?

Sasuke- Meen Skida no bi laffing matter be this oh! I would love if you could hook me up with one of your numerous girlfriends.

Skida- You done turn me to your personalized pimp abi?

Sasuke- Skida you won’t understand. I am running fucking low on ‘Grags’ (confidence) and I need a boost fast.

Skida- My guy! Ok I understand I go hook you up. lets hook up on Saturday

Sasuke- Skida abeg I don’t want a date oh! no bi the one wey I go dey speak plenty Ngbati-Ngbati. I just want to get back in form

Skida- just come for weekend.

Sasuke- Ok I hear you. I go show for weekend.

I gladly made my way to Skida’s house the following weekend and true to his reputation he had two females in his company. I sized both of them up to decide which would be my quarry for the coming weeks. My eyes settled on the lighter of the two chics. She had a mouth shaped like the top of an apple plus she was coca cola fitted (head banging!). I was so happy to know she was the one Skida was hooking me up with.

Skida- Coke meet my friend Sasuke

Coke- hello!

Sasuke- hi there

Coke and I got our chemistry going instantly (I must say I am very easy to like). We chatted like we had meet for ages. Skida and I decided to take the girls out for a drink to loosing any form of rigidity ( if ya’ll know what I mean nothing like a little alcohol to help keep things in perspective). Before we settled with our drinks I pulled Skida aside for a brief chat.

Sasuke- Nice one Skida. thanks for the 'through pass' (hook up)The girl set die

Skida- anything for my guy. You sha know as we dey do am?

Sasuke- nothing do you jare! But wait oh!

Skida- wetin be that again?

Sasuke- Guy you know say na ‘Chop’ I just wan Chop I no want any relationship steez oh!

Skida- wetin you mean?

Sasuke- what I am trying to ask is, you sure say the girl dey chop? make i know the status before i go 'Te ori si' ( put head inside). because desperate times call for equally desperate measures.

Skida- Yes now! and which one be the desperate times and desperate measures talk abi you wan rape person ?

Sasuke- how now! ok you done chop am before?

Skida- Noooooooooo!

Sasuke- Ok! You know anybody wey done chop am?

Skida – Nooooooooo!

Sasuke- then how the hell you take come know say she dey ‘chop’

Skida- Baba free me jare abi which kind jamb question you come dey ask me? Shey after I give you woman na me go still come give you prick wey you go use take nak am ni ?

Sasuke- no vex now I just wan dey sure.

Skida- guy lets just go inside finish our drinks and then see if we can make it rain on that drought of yours.

We made our way to the bar and ordered very potent brands. Two hours later we made our back to Skida’s pad to go and ‘do the do’. We both entered different rooms with our girls. Before I could say Jack Robinson I was already hearing soundtracks from the room beside my own (bad guy Skida no dey waste time at all). This provided the ambience I needed to lunge my own attack.

Coke and I started kissing and grinding like people that didn’t have good home training. With our lips still locked I had both out shirts off in a jiffy and the thrill of melons rubbing against my bare chest left a furnace in my john. (Chei! I am going to wound someone’s child today). We crashed on the bed with her landing ontop of me. She had a pair of jeans on and so did I. My hands were trailing every nook and cranny of her tight body.

I flipped to my side systematically maneuvering her underneath me. On top and in control I released the clasp of her bra and her breasts poured out in anger at this point the heat coming from my briefs could be compared with that of the sun ( scorching).I engaged her ‘bobi’ sorry breasts immediately. She started yelping (very good sign). Bloggers at this junture una guy done go no bi small.

She held my hands as I reached down to yank off her jeans. (Make this pikin stop this rough play if na joke because I dey harsh for this matter oh! six months no be beans). I made another effort to take off the jeans but this time her hand be like clamp for my wrist (OKOKOKOKO! This babe wan put me for work sha! so this girl wan dey use old man play abi!). The war between my hands and her jeans were on. I started gaining an unfair advantage because of my dogged determination (I never nak for six months now! So how she wan take win the battle? Una for see as I take dey hustle like person wey never nak before.)

All of a sudden she held my face in her hands .

Coke- Wait!

Which kind wait be that abeg no time oh! I wan 'po-po d pa-pa' (cane sorry have sex)

Coke- Sasuke chill! We would do this but I just want to ask you one question?

Sasuke- Ok sure, what is it? (

The question wey this babe ask me had an instant cataclysmic effect on me as I no know the kind answer wey I wan give. Most annoying was the feeling i started to have after the question .

Coke- Sasuke ‘WHY DO YOU WANT US TO DO IT?’

WHAAT DA HELL! Bloggers una no see the kind yeye question wey this mosquito dey ask me at this kind do or die hour? The kind bell wey ring for my head no bi small.

I lost all the sun and furnace sensation in my loins instantly. ‘why do I want us to do it’ how I for take answer the question? Maybe one way of answering that question could have been

1) you see my dear I haven’t had sex in the past six months and so I would like if you could just spare me that part of you that gives undeniable pleasure for a couple of minutes so I could get myself together again

2) ehm! After causing so much havoc in my anatomy for the past thirty minutes it would only be ladylike for you to charismatically finish what you have started.

3) You see there is an overwhelming sensation that we men experience in the peak of sex. Some men while experiencing that sensation would scream out ‘I WOULD BUY YOU AEROPLANE OHHHHHHH’ some might say ‘ YEPARIPA OHHHHHHHH!’ others would say ‘ I WOULD GIVE YOU THE WHOLE PLANET EARTHHHHHHHH’ but I would have just said ‘THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME MY FIRST CUM IN SIX MONTHHHHHSSSSSS!

Bloggers never in my life had I felt so stupid. I was fucked despite whatever answer I gave. So the best thing for me to do at that time was to pick up my shirt and work out with my shame. All I could mutter to console my self were these embarrasing words ‘ Why do you want us to do it?’ ‘why do you want us to do it?’ ‘why do you want us to do it? 'why do i want to do it? abeg bloggers if una get answer wey i for fit give the girl abeg make una tell me.

Its your boy Sasuke