Thursday, June 5, 2008

OZIGODO THE STUPID ONE!


Yes! Babylet, Brotherlet, Kokolet, Sisterlet, Mamalet and Papalet. Your bloggerhood Friendly Sasuke is Back and as per say na new month I gast instill some new changes. Yes oh! Change is the only constant thing ‘e le pa mi’ (you can’t kill me). I have gone to the confines of Princesa’s blog to get the ever handy visitor detection spray. Yes for all you that come to my site without leaving a comment na FEEDJIT (I just pray I don’t have to feed the darn thing) go Fleet all of una because monkey no go dey work may Baboon dey chop in this modern era of ours. Feedjit has now become my gateman Mukaila anybody wey do anyhow, go see anyhow. On a lighter note abeg no be shout I dey shout na beg I dey beg make una dey try leave comment but for all those who do I want to say a big thank you once more for all your support.

Now for the Post of the day.

Stupidity is a vice most rational humans try to avoid because it stinks like a public toilet. No sane person likes the feeling attached to being labeled stupid or better still no right thinking person likes to find his or herself in a stupid situation (trust me the thing dey pain like say person put yansh untop 12 dozen ‘Unsafety pins’ ‘if you get my drift’).To buttress my point how come most confrontations start when one of the party involved asks the other ‘Are you trying to make me feel stupid or what?’ Slap and heavy blow wan follow be that if the other party no fit provide good answer.

The annoying thing is that however hard you try to avoid associating yourself with this vice it just has its annoying way of finding you out. I know a lot of us have experienced one stupid situation at one point in our lives and at such point, you almost will the ground to open up and put you out of your shame. However, I must commend most of us that even make the conscious effort to try to avoid the ‘Soapy’ vice. To some other people stupidity has become a very profitable virtue as a matter of fact na this kin people for Yoruba them they call ‘Ode’ for Benin dem dey call them ‘Ozwor’ For Igbo dem they call them ‘Onyezuzu or Oluku’ for Hausa dem go say ‘Dan iska’ then for English we know them as ‘fools’ or better put ‘BIG FOOLS’.

One of my acquaintance in Secondary School was one of such character (if you notice I no call am my friend make una no talk say birds of the same feather flock together). I never see person wey foolish reach Ozigodo as he was popularly called then. Make I nak un this im tori so una go be the judge.

Ozigodo was a twenty something year old SS2 student. This guy old no bi small as a matter of fact when God dey create world and im say ‘Let there be water’ na Ozigodo be the first man wey start to dey fish. Bloggers this guy old.

It so happened that Ozigodo had feelings for a girl named Judith who was the SS1 hotie at that time. Ozigodo would bore us sick day in day out with tales of his feelings for the girl. He was love stoned. To be honest with you guys Ozigodo didn’t stand a chance of even commanding the girls’ attention as the guy ‘wowo’ (ugly) no be small. As a matter of fact ‘wowo’ (ugliness) stand for im back with broken bottle dey harass the guy ‘fine make I see if I no go chuk you bottle’. Realistically, he had no chance but trust boys now! We somehow made him forget about his facial handicap and spurred him on to make his feelings known to the girl. (We used to seek for activity like crazy so pardon us if we found a suitable scapegoat)

Sasuke- Ozigodo, Track this girl, she dey crase self who she be make she no gree for you?

Coco- Guy if she no gree, use seniority for am she must gree.

Ozigodo- Shewwww! As a fine boy! Make una leave the girl that one na small thing.

( Chei!! see this Lepricon dey call himself fine boy)

The unexpected D-Day came about some few weeks later. Eleven of us had assembled at our favorite hang-out spot to observe our lunch break. Ozigodo was still in his usual love stoned mood.

Ozigodo- ‘Men! I just dey crase for that Judith girl. If the girl fit marry me I go too happy. Una no see how the babe fine for face come set for body…. ololololo!!!’.

(He would do a jig while caressing the ironing board pillar like he had Judith in his arms)

Like say God one put an end to the drama, we saw Judith walking towards us.

Sasuke- ‘Ozigodo na your chance be this try control the girl at least she no go fit form where we dey. Abeg no dull up.

Coco- ‘Yes Ozigodo just call am come this zone’

Abraski- Nothing do you Ozed. Just follow the babe ‘word’ (talk). I swear she go jell’.

Ozigodo- ‘Una say make I call am? How I look?’

Chorus- Call am!!!

Bloggers it was a catastrophe already waiting to happen I swear to toast woman no be one day job oh!

At this time Judith had gotten to where we sat. Ozigodo immediately called out to her and as she approached us (Bloggers as im open im mouth Hiroshima and Nagasaki were bombed once again).

Ozigodo- HELLO JUDITH! WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

Before the girl even fit answer all our lunch done fall for floor as we all busted out laughing. ‘Chei! Ozigodo done ‘Pot Black ball’ oh! (Ozigodo don fuck up) Make una see this yeye boy when no gree allow person rest with im ‘Judith this, Judith dat’ the babe done come now you dey ask for name wey you just call am. Which Kind Parus be dis one? Bloggers make una see me see trouble. Abi na force to toast woman?

Judith walked off pissed. The poor girl probably thought it was a setup not knowing Ozigodo was just being his usual stupid self. Abeg make una help me say ‘BIG FOOL’

I done Jam people for this world wey I come. Watch out for part two

MY QUIRKS

This quirking or quacking of a thing! Well who am I to refuse to take the tag- baton passed to me by Darkelcee and Mommy well here it goes.

1) I have a lip-licking fetish- I lick my lips anywhere, anytime and anyhow. I think the only time I don’t indulge in this habit is when I am asleep (I aint even sure about that. my tongue could still be keeping them moist while I sleep). I picked up the habit in secondary school and it is one I am finding very hard to loose.

2) I have a Fetish for Boxer shorts- Nothing excites me more than a fresh pair of boxers. Honestly I don’t know why. My family has already caught up on this my fetish. Anytime someone travels I am usually the one to end up with the most amount of briefs and here is the weird part: I LIKE IT!!!!

3) I got a large amount of birthmarks on my goods- honestly I don’t know the significance (maybe it purifies the ladies, I don’t know!, maybe I would be a Father of many nations, I don’t know! ‘and I do practice it safe when I bang pelvises’).its quite a large amount I have going for me down there. A chick counted them for me once and it was like fifteen.

4) I am a Rock freak- nothing gets me going more than a good dose of rock. Now here is a secret guys ‘I have often fantasized listening to Coldplay on a drive back from dinner with that special person’. 3doors down, Red hot chill peppers, Keane, Moby, 12Stones, Greenday, Wheatus, Hinder, Linkin Park, Stained. I love the whole lot.

5) I like nice feminine lips- On a physical front there is a 50% chance I would be on a babes case if she has the lip thing going for her. I once dated a girl and couldn’t kiss her cause she didn’t have the kind of lips I could kiss. Poor girl, she didn’t even know. kind of made up by pecking her alot ‘heinous’ I know.

6) I am a die hard Arsenal Fan- I guess most of you know this fetish already

I hereby tag any untagged blogger. Let’s hear your quirk.

It’s your boy Sasuke.

48 comments:

darkelcee said...

ROFLLLLLL

darkelcee said...

i don't know where to start but i need to learn this ur pidgin fast!

Track this girl now.lawlllllllllllll

ur quirks?i will come back to that

darkelcee said...

Those birthmarks means you were marked from above to be a MONK!

You lick ur lips because they are nice ( u dont want them chapped )and u want a match in ur "olenges" abi?

Sha said...

LMAOOOOOOOO

*ROFL*
Hmm u like nice feminine lips? hmm might be d right person for u..lol *just keeding oh* b4 dem forward dis shege to my hubbie.. Oooops no ring on ma finga.. mek i carry on jor!

Afrobabe said...

I still didnt make first??? technically I am 3rd

Afrobabe said...

hahahahhahahahah HELLO JUDITH! WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

its Judith, Fool...

you guys were not fair on him juh...kai...

hahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa @ the birthmarks...hmmm can we get a pic???

30+ said...

"'wowo’ (ugliness) stand for im back with broken bottle dey harass the guy ‘fine make I see if I no go chuk you bottle".

Sasuke you are a crack up

LG said...

buhahahahahahahahahahaaa,
chei, ozigodo go kill person wit laf o

PS:brodalet,if dem sack me 4 wrk 2day na u o, c as i dey laf!!!!buhahahaha

LG said...

lol@nos.3,
yessso i want a peek too, i'm also good at counting, lol!!!

*norrin do u jare carry go!!

LG said...

GUUNERS 4 LIFE

u heard!!!!!

Smaragd said...

"Judith, what is your name?"

he should have covered up by saying sth really cheesy like "because i think u should be called Angel or sth..." *eyes rolling*

birthmarks on ur sth ke? *mouth zipped*

lol @ dark LC... monk sha.

at least ur girlfriend wont have to spend much for ur bday, all she needs buy are boxers!

Jaycee said...

LOLLLLL...since u've caught me today, will be back to leave a nonetheless "proper" comment!!! Muhaha.

Charizard said...

LMAO

geeezzzuzz....ahnahn...sasuke baba...I kinda figured u'd be a rock fan...most Naruto viewers and fans love rock...

rock on dude...

Buttercup said...

LMAO @ ozigodo...geeeeeeeeeeeeeeez!
i think lickin of the lips is quite sexy...ahnahn, didnt ur ex EVER try to kiss u on the lips?? she was just satisfied wit pecks?? lol....

Parakeet said...

The original koko master is back...lol. You dey practise to be stand up comedian? I don laugh die...as per loving lips, make e no be say na lips go get you into trouble o.

Nice to see you around.

s.chic said...

too funny as usual...feel sorry for the guy sha...lol...ironic thing is people like them always end up with correct babe sha...

Standtall said...

Hmmmmmmmmmm Sasukelet, Sasukelet, I am still laughing oooooooooooooo at “Judith, what’s ur name” which kain stupidity be dat. You are a captivating writer so try and attend Adichie’s workshop.

On ur quirks, hope you no dey take that ur lip linking habit embarrass urself o

And I say Liverpool, Liverpool……………………………

Doja said...

Maybe he wanted to just confirm her name was still judith.

rayo said...

free ozigodo oh, wats up sasuke, you and a few other bloggers have got me aawake til almost 2 am, dont mind me, not like ur old posts are runnin away but i just cant get enuf of them...

theicequeen said...

matter of fact ‘wowo’ (ugliness) stand for im back with broken bottle dey harass the guy ‘fine make I see if I no go chuk you bottle’. LMFAO...You will not kill me! this is like one stop shop for slangs oh!

luvin itttttt! ima print this one like i printed the do you know who i am syndrome on..lmaolmao..and its true oh..everybody is entitled to a reasonable amount of stupidity, but some people just abuuuuuse the privilege!!

thiis thing totally made my day!!

theicequeen said...

enhen! and this rock thing..me i'm liking about you oh! i'm a rockaholic too..:D

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Sasuke, ur pidgin is on a higher level ohhh

I second Afrobabe, can we get a pic of the birthmark?LOL

So glad your back

Mz. Dee said...

Lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chineke... sasuke.. u funny!!! no be small!

After he said her name, he was still askin.. KAI!!!
I'm addicted to ur blog mehn!

Mz. Dee said...

Lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chineke... sasuke.. u funny!!! no be small!

After he said her name, he was still askin.. KAI!!!
I'm addicted to ur blog mehn!

Manda said...

papalet, u no fit kill me o! it's like 1:30am here and i dey laugh like craze!

Judith wat is ur name? my name is chicken.hhahahahaaaa

dis ur quirks ehn, plenti birthmark for yonder! na wa o!

Manda said...

Gunners for life my brotherlet!

anonymous gal said...

u always crack me up

Sasuke said...

@Darkelcee- my sister no worry you go dey hear the pidgin small small.
lol@ being marked to be a monk... but you and i know say that one na lie now.

how was your weekend?

@Sha-if you are nothing do me oh! i gast kiss fine girl now!'wink'

How was your weekend?

@afrobabe-How now! which kind picture be dat? anyways you can only get a picture during action my dear.

How you dey?

@30+- thanks a bunch my sister. hope you had a lovely weekend?

@Ig- Gunners for life oh! nothing do us next season. about the picture of my stuff, dat na gist for another day

@smaragd- the guy wasn't that smart jare! i think he developed cold feet when he came face to face with his Achilles.

hope you had a great weekend?

@jaycee- God done catch you.still waiting for your comment.

How was your weekend?

@Charizard-nothing do us jare! Rock and Naruto till infinity...lol

How was your weekend?

@buttercup- is it? just joking oh.i actually was the one supposed to make the move cos she was the shy type.no wonder i could get away with it.

How you dey

@parakeet- stand up wetin! at all oh that isn't my calling. at least for me its the lips for other people na bottom power oh!

how are you doing?

@s.chic- truely spoken but as at that time he wasn't getting nada.

@Standall-people dey support better club you dey go support liverpool.please come join Arsenal abeg make you know wetin to they jolly be like.i would try my best to attend. thanks for the offer

@Doja-very funny, which kind confirmation be that one? the guy messed up simple and short.

how you dey?

@rayo- no be my fault now! i just can't help it if you are glued.

Hope you had a wonderful weekend dear?

@theicequeen-lol@ rockaholic...good to know you are enjoying the stories on my blog. i really appreciate that.

hope you had a lovely weekend

@nigeriandramaqueen- how i for take do am my sister. the pidgin thingy na second nature but i go dey translate for those of una wey still need catch up.

hope you had a lovely weekend?

@mz dee- no mind the yeye boy na lack of confidence cause am.

how was your weekend?

@manda- na so i see am my sister. sorry about keeping you up late with my story..lol. of course you know it was meant to keep you up.

How you dey?

Mommy said...

Come o...where's my comment? I am vrey positive I dropped a comment just after afrolicious. Which kain nonsense be dis ehn?

I thought you would not drop your quirks. You are forgiven ;)

Of all the places to have birthmarks...lol

Sasuke said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
NaijaBabe said...

How come i'm 31st..NOT COOL!!

That guy mess up mehnnnnn kai! Ode buruku...ko fi ori se agba ! Stewpidity! Kai

You lick ur lips? like all the time!!! Hmmmm no comment

OluwaDee said...

Awwwwwwwwwwwww, am so late.

chei dt ur friend na serious ozwor.

Lol @ d lips thing

Standtall said...

Commot form my case o Sasuke, na liverpool I like o. And Falcon tooooooooo

Sting said...

LOL.... Come her judith, what is ur name?!! OMG. I burst out laughing when i read that. The boy na real ozwor (i love that word).

Jaybabe said...

Judith is soooooooooooooooooooo very foolish!!!!

That girl didnt read all them birthmarks for you. I think i can do better than her. Did she even look in between the....ermmmm...the..the.. BALLS???..i dont really think they are 15 you know?..lol..jokin'..

How you doing mann???

Afrobabe said...

I am good oh...you really have to put the pics so we can research it....

Olamild said...

buhahahaha OMG

You are krazily funny
I have had an encounter like that of Judith... hahaha HS was fun o. The dude walked up to me like Olamild what's your name? God forgive me for laughing hahhaha

Charizard said...

I don update o baba...

Duchess said...

geeeeezz!!! 15 birhtmarks spreadn all over "IT"....thats serz....i rily need to see ow it looks.

ozigodor cannot even form small....the guy is sooo OZWOR.LoL

classybabe said...

I have a lip-licking fetish myself,not as bad as LL but yeah i do it alot.

Aphrodite said...

I thought i had commented earlier on this post!!! Cant believe my comment is not here and i was one of the first 5 o!

Lovely, hilarious post as usual Sasuke.

We get plenty Ozigodos sha.

I pity that babe wey you no gree kiss sha, she must have wondered what ur attraction to her cheeks was,lol...

Omosewa said...

LOL@Ozigodo, that name sounds scary. Poor dude, he was prolly nervous.

LOL@lip licking

TMI@birthmark gist

Lmao@pecking her a lot, hopefully she didnt notice.

Have a nice weekend!

TinTin said...

i love u because we are both gunners!!!!! GUNNERS FOR LIFE
i dont lick my lips..i slightly bite my lips when i'm nervous..
feedjit..very necessary oh!!!!

Allied said...

LOL @ 'wowo’ (ugliness) stand for im back with broken bottle dey harass the guy ‘fine make I see if I no go chuk you bottle....

You lick ur lips-- Gosh! u are another one of those...

Allied said...

did u run away again?

Today's ranting said...

"Stupidity is a vice most rational humans try to avoid because it stinks like public toilet" This part got me hooked. This sasuke dude no kill me with laf laf sef. That ur guy na real Fool ooo. He gat no kills at all. You have so many of this funny creatures as friends dont you? Na you kuku talk say birds of a feather flock together hmmmmm.You gat abt fifteen tribal marks on ya thing ke? Is that supposed to enhance ur performance or what? LMAOOOO.Nice funny post as usual.

AlooFar said...

Very funny. I'm LMAO.

Hmmmm... stupidity stinks like the public toilet.

Ur pidgin English na 1st class ;)

Free-flowing Florida said...

u lick ur lips! ha. i can imagine one innocent opeke thinking say na him great beauty dey cause am. lmao.

anyway, wetin una do ozigodo no good o. no be him fault say him ugly na. u go dey dia, he do grow up 2 marry a Miss Nigeria.