IT WAS ALL A DREAM!!!

Bloggers I have a confession to make. I don try see how I go fit battle this disease but I guess its tentacles have sank too deep in me. Bloggers I wan confess…You see a confession of this magnitude is actually taking a lot of ‘grags’ on my part to say and so I am actually going through a lot to bear out to you folks a shame that hunts me so much it has become pure bliss to keep it.

Bloggers I say I wan confess because if I no confess yawa go gas. For the last time before the lastest time I say I want to spoke of that which makes my anatomy to do jigi- jigi, that which makes my temperature vu-vu-late, that which causes my blood pressure to ‘ja scale’ (break the scale). That which causes an osmosis when there is need for diffusion that which causes me to…to…to…to (e don do abeg! )

Bloggers I must confess, I am a FANATIC and the object of this my extreme affection is none other than the round leather game popularly known as soccer by the Americans and Football by the British and ARSENAL football club. As a matter of fact I kill, fight, bark, smooch… even kiss for the love of my club and the game. (When I say smooch and kiss, I mean members of the opposite sex ‘wink’)

I honestly can’t remember exactly when my romance with the round leather game began but all I can remember is that I really did some rather extreme things just to show my solidarity and love for the game. One memorable incident in my high school days comes to mind.

There was a very popular high staked you don’t want to miss football match that my friends and I had been preparing for all week. Tempers and anticipation were high all sorts of bets were being made by over eager soccer lovers, trash talking of all sorts. Ideally it was going to be one hell of a weekend. France versus Italy: European cup finals. It was one match I could not even dream about missing.

Like an unforeseen sea storm announcements were made a day before the match that the schools generator set would be due for repairs the following day which coincidentally happened to be the match day. Pandemonium and katakata where let loose because we all knew how handicap the local power was. Translation (Blackout)

Kelly- Sasuke men! This people don pot black ball oh!

Sasuke- For this town! That one na for their back pocket. No juju go stop me from watching that match.

Owen-Na so jare! but how we go take do am now?

Sasuke- Leave matter for Mathias, wetin go happen be say we go scale fence go watch the match for Base 2 (Base 2 was a popular viewing center)

We all decided to scale the school fence. On the appointed day, we numbered about 20 escapees. On getting to Base 2, it was packed to the brim. The match commenced at about 8pm or thereabout and boy! Was it worth the trouble.

France went on to lift the cup on that faithful day after which we all started making our way back towards school in groups of five. We got back to the school around 11.30pm. on getting to the school fence someone formed an ingenious plan which required all escapees to scale the school fence at the same time. Little did we know that that move would be our saving Ace as the school authorities had somewhat gotten to know about the migration and so the housemasters in company of some security men had stationed themselves in strategic sides of the school fence.

We all scaled the fence as planned only for us to hear shouts of the vigilantes behind us (popsy thanks for those Ben Johnson tapes) I was off like a light running at mad speed

Security- Stop! Stop, stop we know you people oh! No escape

(Which kind stop be that one, if you know fit catch me na go be that)

I took the connecting flight of stairs in rapid bounds luckily my room was first after the stairs. I flung myself on my bed and feigned deep sleep as well as my many comrades (or so I thought).

The room was as silent as a graveyard. It would be kind of hard to believe that 20 boys had just made their way in hastily without breaking the tranquility. The housemaster in company of the security men made their way in shortly after (When dem tell them make dem employ young security people dem go say na lie say na experience dem dey find. We go see how una go use experience catch who una they find)

I lay comatose on my bed despite the fact that my lungs were burning from the dash and then I heard one of the securities make a pronunciation that might turn out to be revealing.

Security- (Talking to the house master) Sir shine torchlight for their eye you go see say dem go dey panting from the run wey them run. (chei! which kind security be this one?)

Housemaster- Yes! Very good idea, oya! Start pointing the torch in their faces. We must fish them out. (I wish una good luck oh! but as for me, dead body no go fit compete)

The security and housemaster went from bed to bed pointing the beam in our faces looking for the first son of a gun to flinch or have an abnormal heart rate. They got to my bed side and I could feel the heat of the beam on my face but I systematically maintained status quo (How dem go catch me, after all the James bond film wey I don watch! Na lie!).

Everything was going smoothly until the housemaster and security arrived at the bed of one hyperactive fellow called Uwaifo. This guy was sweating and panting like someone that does not have good home training. The security on noticing the boys’ abnormality pointed him out to the housemaster who brought his cane down on the guys’ body. Uwaifo jumped off his bed looking genuinely confused

Security-we don catch one sir! See as im dey sweat

Housemaster- GET UP! GET UP! GET UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

Uwaifo- (Really looking confused) Sir! Sir! Sir! Oh Sir!

House master- SHAARRRAAP! Your dirty stinking mouth.

Uwaifo- Sir, God bless you sir! Oh Sir I am very grateful, oh!

Housemaster-God bless me! God bless me! For what?

(What I heard next was the most brilliant lie ever conjured in the history of man as a matter of fact even devil gast stand up from im seat clap for the guy say im see person wey lie pass am)

Uwaifo- Sir, Sir, Sir, they wanted to kill me….they were chasing me…I was having a nightmare Sir and God used you to save my life. Thank you Sir, Thank you very much Sir for waking me up….Ah,Ah,Ah,Ah, Jesus, Jesus Jesus .

(Laff wan kill me for wey I lie down put. This boy go kill me for my mama)

The housemaster and security were both tongue tied as they did not know what to say or do. They later reported the case to the principal the following day but Uwaifo still stuck to his claims that the reason for his panting and sweating was because he was having a nightmare.

Bloggers but people dey lie oh! Some people lie go make devil ask himself ‘am I still king of liars? Me myself almost chop the lie self. Na only God go save us. Amen

It’s your boy Sasuke