Thursday, April 10, 2008

THE ‘DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?” SYNDROME


It is a well known fact that in the world over everybody wants to be somebody. Little wonder why some people spend countless number of their time and resources trying to upgrade themselves so that they can be a force to reckon with in whatever field of endeavor they find themselves and in the society at large. Nobody wants to be a nobody. Basically, what’s the point of existing and not being able to apply some measure of influence on ones environment? In truth it sucks not to be reckoned with plus there is also a very big chance of being oppressed in the process. No wonder our parents in the process of bringing us up would always do everything in their power to equip us with those tools that would put us with the sphere of societal relevance.

However, this disease to be somebody has become something much of an obsession as people no longer have a sense of who they really are. Titles, degrees and awards are now peoples first and last names. The most obvious of peoples obsession for being noted a somebody can be noticed in the commercial roads and streets of Nigeria (lagos most especially). Let me create a typical ‘Do you know who I am’ scene for you.

(Noisy Lagos road with pedestrians and commuters trying to make their way through the dense traffic. People shouting and cursing at each other while those that have the luxury of having an ‘Oye pumping’ car (air conditioned) just chill listening to what the radio has available for them. All of a sudden all hell breaks loose as a murano trying to come out of junction runs into an iv-tec. Both evenly dressed drivers jump out of their cars for a face-off)

Murano- Are you blind or would you say you didn’t see me coming out the junction?

Iv-tec- How the hell would you be asking me that stupid question. Didn’t you see me coming?

(but guys if una no see each other is that not the more reason why una suppose get accident? Make una see jamb questions wey this two mumu dey ask each other)

Murano- You are are an excommunicated baboon for asking me if I didn’t see you. Didn’t common sense tell you that you are supposed to clear well when approaching a T junction

Iv-tec- Me an excommunicated baboon! You are just a half point two percent bastard. Instead of you to beg you are trying to claim right.

(Bloggers this iv-tec guy done make mistake as im take tell the murano guy make im beg oh! because the kakatakata wan just set now)

Murano- Beg you, for what! Who the hell are you by the way? A whole me should beg you? By the way how much does this Belgium you are driving around calling a car cost? As a matter of fact, ‘DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

IV-tec- My car, Belgium! Do not try to harass anybody with your status here as a matter of fact, ‘DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM TOO’?

Murano- Who the bloody hell are you ehn? Who is your Father? You drunk idiot. I asked you a question and so you better mind the way you talk to me (now getting into the other mans face like he wants to do something) DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!!!

(Bloggers meanwhile the damage wey dey them two cars fit no pass fifteen thousand naira each wey this two idiots done cause traffic wey long reach Jerusalem)

Iv-tec- OK! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

Murano- Ehn! Why the hell do you want to know who I am, so you can come and rob me at night abi?

(but chairman na you done dey ask the guy make you tell am who you be since now the guy done ask you you come dey call am thief na wa for you oh)

Iv-tec- please do not talk to me with your dirty stinking mouth that you have not brushed since you were born you wretched hermaphrodite

Murano- Na your mama be Hermaphrodite

Iv-tec- My Mother Hermaphrodite? As a matter of fact your mama na 50 cent

Murano- My mama 50 cent? Your mama na B.I.G

(na so this two agbaya go argue from morning till night causing a hell load of traffic and wetin dey pain me pass be say person no go still know who them be with all the mouth wey dem don dey make since morning. Everything na format)

WETIN BE THAT THING? (WHAT IS THAT THING)

My people there is this question I have always pondered and I am hoping you guys would be able to give me a succinct answer to this question of mine. Let me give you a scenario. You see, there are some times whereby my old man go just they vex for no apparent reasons, the guy go just they form activity for the whole house and woe betide that person that falls into his trap that period. However what baffles me is the sudden transformation he makes back into sanity when one particular factor comes in

Sasuke- Daddy good morning, you promised to give me my pocket money during the course of the week and I was hoping I could get it today.

Mr. Uchiha- pocket money! Pocket money! What for? When I was going to school my parents never gave me pocket money, I had to tap rubber to pay for my school fees. I don’t know what is wrong with you children of nowadays.

Sasuke- but daddy you promised and moreover I can’t go to school to starve.

Mr.Uchiha- See this umpa loompa telling me he can’t go to school to Starve. Come on get out of my sight before I swallow you.

(I would grumble to my mother)

Sasuke- mummy, daddy doesn’t want to give me pocket money oh! ehn! Me I would carry generator and go and sell now, when NEPA takes light heat would wound you people ehn!

Mrs Uchiha- come on! You would do no such thing by the way, why did he say he is not giving you pocket money?

Sasuke- He said he tapped rubber to pay his fees and so I should do the same.

Mrs Uchiha- What! He can’t be serious. Tell you what leave him to me I would talk to him for you.

Sasuke- Mommy please do if not, no more generator in this house oh!

Mrs Uchiha- Abeg commot from here jare.

(behold, I enter my parents room the following morning only to see my dad in a happier mood)

Mr Uchiha- Sasuke my darling son. How much did you say you want for your pocket money?

Sasuke-twenty thousand naira sir

Mr. Uchiha- Here is thirty thousand naira. You are a man you have to learn how to manage. The driver would go and drop you in school on Saturday ok?

Sasuke- Thank you Daddy (Bloggers your confusion is as good as mine oh as here is a man who told me a day ago to go and tap rubber for pocket money giving me an extra ten thousand naira on the pocket money I asked for.so this brings me to the million dollar question. Abeg wetin be that thing wey momsy don give popsy chop? But whatever it is sha I sure hope my future wife can give me some of that mood changing delicacy. 4 real)

its your boy! Sasuke

55 comments:

darkelcee said...

lollllllllllllllllll

darkelcee said...

these ur choice of words na wa.

Everything na format...... driving me nuts!

how can their mama be hermaphrodite? lolllll sasukeeeeeee

yes now go and tap rubber. sebi the old man did and it paid off.

ok something went down behind the scene.....you can confirm from mumsy.

funny dude!

darkelcee said...

i am even third................lollllllllllllll

darkelcee said...

okay!
Sasuke bring register make i mark for here!

Jaycee said...

5th...lemme go back and read. Sasuke's BACK!!!! Lol.

tobenna said...

totally psyched out!
did that i-vtec/murano incident really happen? Someone should have recorded it to show them afterwards.

Doja said...

No Matter where we start we all get to meet at the center,or we never meet at all....... I love that.

If someone asks me if I know who they are I would just ask them if It matters.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

hahahaha! The mood changing delicacy is the same thing that brought you onto this earth, shebi? lol!

This post was too funny.

s.chic said...

lol... funny as usual...I guess it's confirmed...the power of woman...don't underestimate us...

those car people are totally jobless...i bet they really are nobody too...

Sting said...

I hope u know where my mind go, cos that's what u are insinuating.

Charizard said...

hahahahahahaa...now d@ ws too funny...

Yeah I observe that ish too...anytym momc says dnt worry I will talk to him na so sotry go change...

Anytym I think of it ma mind goes the wrogn bend but can that really be it?

Today's ranting said...

Hmmmmm you know that thing naaa. It's the thing mama gives to papa and the thing you hope you future wife gives to you. Why you dey ask when you know the thing? To put the answer succintly, the thing na that thing! Period!

30+ said...

Sasuke - You are so silly, honest don't you that "what an elder uses to chop eko is under the leaves", so turn your cheek now and just collect jejely - lol.

Anyway who are you to be asking that question - lmao

Nice one bros

ablackjamesbond said...

crazy dude...wait make ur Papa read this post...u go hear am.

Omosewa said...

Buhaahahaha wetin concern you with the thing...im sure future wife knows all about it...

Uumpa Loompa cracked me up...too funny.

As per the "do you know who i am" syndrome, its really sad...especially when both parties are 'nobodies' lol...

Have a nice weekend Mr.

classybabe said...

lol @umpa loompa.
One of the most common statements you can hear in naija "do you know who i am".It's funny how some people say it with such seriousness.

NigerianDramaQueen said...

ur too funny.

OluwaDee said...

lol! Some1 supoz staple dt ur mouth, c u askin wetin ur mama gv popc chop. lol.

Lagos is totly a forming place. Evn if u no get high status, abeg make every body pose dey go.

Sasuke said...

@darkelcee-'everything na format' my dear. no be me go tap rubber oh abeg!
i done mark you present for the register even before i post the story..lol

@jaycee-i still dey wait you oh

@tobenna- at all oh it didnt happen oh was only creating a scenario.

how are you doing

@doja-the syndrome na epilepsy my dear. as if anyone cares

@solomonsdeylle-you didnt have to tell me that now. haba who tell you say i no know..lol

how is the family?

@s.chic-me underestimate woman? never!

all na format my dear

@sting-yes oh na dat very thing i dey insinuate

@charizard- that is it my dear. the thing that you think it can be is what it is.

How was your weekend?

@today's ranting-nicely said and put my dear.

@30+- my sister our elders talk say pikin wey ask questions no go miss road. abeg i no wan miss road oh!..lol

@ablackjamesbond-abeg no go tell am oh!becos if you do, my own done be

@omosewa-men future wife better know alot about it if not, i switch to polygamy..lol

@classybabe-my dear wetin person no go see for this life.i don tire myself.

@nigeriandramaqueen-thanks alot dear

@oluwadee-no mind me jare!but talk true shey you no dey wonder sometimes ni?

anonymous gal said...

darkelcee why now.
this has made my monday

princesa said...

Lol!!!
Sasuks dear why you dey give us format na?
Enh which kain umpa lumpa gist be dis na,lol!

Oya confess say u no know wetin mumsy give popsy! Na that thing wey you dey find for ngozi hand,lol!

How far dude?

Manda said...

lol... funny post.. Abeg tell mumcy to continue interceeding on ur behalf. Do u really want to know wat they do behind dem doors? yeye boy!

fantasy queen said...

how dare you sasuke, how dare you, how can i be 22nd? do you know who i am? as in do you really know who i am?
lol'

as for mama sasuke...i hold my comment as i hum 50cent 'i'll take you to the candy shop, one taste of all i got............'

Aphrodite said...

lol!
Funny as always.

That thing wey ur mumsy give urt popsy na im dem dey call bottom power!

have you noticed its the people who are really 'nothing' that always make noise and ask "Do you know who i am??"

Afrobabe said...

lmao...sasuke u don kolo finish oh...

u want know wettin mumsy dey give popsie chop....

let me give u expo....go and ask daddy

If them chase u from house no find me oh...afterall na u been want know abi?

TinTin said...

what momsi told or rather did to popsi is for adults ONLY!! lmaoo

darkelcee said...

se u you will not update abi?

all i need to threaten you with is

....i am giving popsy your URL!
lawllllllllllllll

Uzezi said...

im smiling at the power of a woman. isn't it obvious?

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Olamild said...

hahaha, I love your posts

always...

Afrobabe said...

Update joh...na wettin...

Update this joint now!!!!!!

Queen of My Castle said...

Babes...where have you been?

The Last King Of Scotland said...

first time here and u have a funny way with words

darkelcee said...

You've been tagged dear.

check out my blog for more details

Morountodun said...

Maybe if insurance companies were more reliable it would save some of this nonsense...

Naija Sutra said...

this is so hilarious.....lol

good job

Sting said...

Shey u done abandon ur blog again? Abeg update now!

Aphrodite said...

Where are u sweetie pie?!!

Sabira said...

LMAO! I love this post.

exschoolnerd said...

lol

r u serious they actually said "ur mama na 50cent and d oda replied ur mama na B.I.G"...lol..what what....lol..i cnt even type anything,craze dey worry both of dem...


plus ur momma can like to come and teach my mumcy what she is doing...i will appreciate that very much.

darkelcee said...

Sasuke

If by 10th of May 2008 you dont update, i will show you



WHO I AM!

Omosewa said...

Wey u dey??

Uzezi said...

whatz up, my brother? hope u r alright. u ve been missing in action

Allied said...

Lol.. but abeg where u dey?

Ermm.. seriously, dont lie, you know what mummy did to change daddy's mind.

anonymous gal said...

lol.this sasuke don chop craze.

anonymous gal said...

he also needs to update

Smaragd said...

dang! these eyes are scary!

ur name reminds me of Naruto (the japanese cartoon), i got curious and blogxplored to ur side and i must say i wasnt disappointed!

Rotflmao! ivtec and Murano. moms are wonder women now, dont u know?

that said, i know i'm new and all but pls update for the love of God!

Uzezi said...

for heaven's sake, where the hell is sasuke?

theicequeen said...

lmaoooo! youre too too funny! i even read it out loud to my mother and she was crackin up!!

the thing just reminded me of one incident wer a dude cut in line at the airport, wen the lady asked him to get back in line, maguy begin ask am jamb question oh! yellin do you kno who i am al ova d place..thats how she just used the PA system to ask anybody that can help him identify himself to come foward..kai, i just dey wait make person ask me oh!

lolz, lurv your blog!!!

tobenna said...

Good LAWD!
You've not updated all this while.
Are you still alive?

Queen of My Castle said...

Sweets,

Have you left us? Hope you're good.

30+ said...

Sasuke where you dey now, shey you are fine sha.

Olamild said...

sasukeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Allied said...

Uncle wey u dey now? just show face abeg

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