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Men this English way we they speak no be small thing oh! in short the person way make am im Papa or as my Friend go talk am im ancestors.(Translation) The English that we speaks it is not a small thing oh in short the person that makes it his or her Papa or as my friend go talks his or her ancestors. i once had a teacher who said that his own excuse for shelling is because English is actually not his fathers tongue ( what sensible nonsense!) according to the English speaking act of decree 1 sub section 900 under act Thou shall not Ta' Bon (Translation) Thou shall not shoot or speak what is not is, is not was, and is not meant to be. Se fini! ( i never see inside court before talk less of going to law school na trips sha) anyways there is actually a fundamental problem we all face when we speak this lingua franca of ours and that is the problem of shooting or being shot at, which my friends, is very embarrassing. Trust me i have heard it, been there, seen it but never done it ( As a bad guy now i was born with a dictionary). My story takes us back to my secondary school days S.S. ( senior secondary School) fortunately and unfortunately i schooled in an environment with great Pidgin, vernacular and broken English affluence( they even had to break the English imagine!). i introduce you to the great an Ancient city of Benin the first place where people iron pomo or cow hyde straight ( is that what they call it in english? cos you know now pomo is pomo) well i won't deny speaking in fluent English was a major problem then so most folks had to break it down to minute chewable and free flowing sizes so the common man could speak(if you know what i mean).it was even so bad that our then custodians the teachers didn't help matters you would hear such statements as
Teacher- Hey boy i am calling you and you are looking unto the up, common! look unto the down
or
Teacher- That boy run go and run come back
once in a while you had those teachers that wanted to prove their fluency and proficiency actually they were the ones that made the most blunders. in a physics practical class we were having practicals trying to evaluate the role of sound and the apparatus we were using was the tuning fork. my friends and i couldn't seem to get the teachers instruction as to how to manipulate the tool. the man on seeing our backwardness came charging towards us panting, grab the tuning fork,gave it a pull, held the fork to our ears and blurted
Teacher- CAN YOU PERCEIVE THE SOUND!
Physics class was officially over as we laughed so hard he angrily left the class and forever held his peace (as Fluent English was concerned).
Enough of teacher fuck-ups our roles as students in murdering grammar is even more commendable.
one sunny afternoon i decided to join my friends in a little pick up game of soccer, while on the pitch we all decided to (pls note the word) JUGGLE ( pidgin translation is RAISE) the ball and so we took turns i went first did about twenty to thirty kicks, the second person did about the same, the third, the fourth...i grew a little impatience seeing the number of people to juggle before it got to my turn so i decided to pull a fast one by causing a little diversion. i picked the ball and had already started juggling when i felt someone shove me from behind and scream
Clement- Don't allow Sasuke he has already ROSE the ball!
YEEEPARRIPA na die i dey ( as you all no that was 20 minutes of our precious playing time taking by violent laughter).
i once had a simple disagreement with my close friend little did i know that i'ld soon be rolling on all Fours.
Sasuke- we can beat Brazil on a good day after all we also have good quality players in the national team
Owen- how we can never beat Brazil even if they are sleeping they would still beat us crazy
Sasuke-Owen why are you being (note the word to follow) PESSIMISTIC ( little did i no i had done terrible injustice to my friend. EW! so Sorry)
without even settling down to think the appropriate response as you know silence could sometimes be good at situations like this but Owen being the person that he is just had to give me an answer to my supposed rhetoric.
Owen- yes Sasuke i know, i know i am a PEST so you can say what you want to say.
i was practically shedding tears, this pikin no go kill me wetin pessimism gast do with pest? i tire oh.
you know i could go on and on about my travails with this English language but as my hand done they pain me i go continue the gist another day. So, Monday help me tell Tuesday say Wednesday say im go block Thursday for Friday side on Friday for that party on Saturday wey Sunday dey arrange... PHEWWW!! how Fluent was that ! Pidgin simple abeg. see you soon
Yours Sasuke
