THE ‘DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?” SYNDROME

It is a well known fact that in the world over everybody wants to be somebody. Little wonder why some people spend countless number of their time and resources trying to upgrade themselves so that they can be a force to reckon with in whatever field of endeavor they find themselves and in the society at large. Nobody wants to be a nobody. Basically, what’s the point of existing and not being able to apply some measure of influence on ones environment? In truth it sucks not to be reckoned with plus there is also a very big chance of being oppressed in the process. No wonder our parents in the process of bringing us up would always do everything in their power to equip us with those tools that would put us with the sphere of societal relevance.

However, this disease to be somebody has become something much of an obsession as people no longer have a sense of who they really are. Titles, degrees and awards are now peoples first and last names. The most obvious of peoples obsession for being noted a somebody can be noticed in the commercial roads and streets of Nigeria (lagos most especially). Let me create a typical ‘Do you know who I am’ scene for you.

(Noisy Lagos road with pedestrians and commuters trying to make their way through the dense traffic. People shouting and cursing at each other while those that have the luxury of having an ‘Oye pumping’ car (air conditioned) just chill listening to what the radio has available for them. All of a sudden all hell breaks loose as a murano trying to come out of junction runs into an iv-tec. Both evenly dressed drivers jump out of their cars for a face-off)

Murano- Are you blind or would you say you didn’t see me coming out the junction?

Iv-tec- How the hell would you be asking me that stupid question. Didn’t you see me coming?

(but guys if una no see each other is that not the more reason why una suppose get accident? Make una see jamb questions wey this two mumu dey ask each other)

Murano- You are are an excommunicated baboon for asking me if I didn’t see you. Didn’t common sense tell you that you are supposed to clear well when approaching a T junction

Iv-tec- Me an excommunicated baboon! You are just a half point two percent bastard. Instead of you to beg you are trying to claim right.

(Bloggers this iv-tec guy done make mistake as im take tell the murano guy make im beg oh! because the kakatakata wan just set now)

Murano- Beg you, for what! Who the hell are you by the way? A whole me should beg you? By the way how much does this Belgium you are driving around calling a car cost? As a matter of fact, ‘DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

IV-tec- My car, Belgium! Do not try to harass anybody with your status here as a matter of fact, ‘DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM TOO’?

Murano- Who the bloody hell are you ehn? Who is your Father? You drunk idiot. I asked you a question and so you better mind the way you talk to me (now getting into the other mans face like he wants to do something) DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!!!

(Bloggers meanwhile the damage wey dey them two cars fit no pass fifteen thousand naira each wey this two idiots done cause traffic wey long reach Jerusalem)

Iv-tec- OK! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

Murano- Ehn! Why the hell do you want to know who I am, so you can come and rob me at night abi?

(but chairman na you done dey ask the guy make you tell am who you be since now the guy done ask you you come dey call am thief na wa for you oh)

Iv-tec- please do not talk to me with your dirty stinking mouth that you have not brushed since you were born you wretched hermaphrodite

Murano- Na your mama be Hermaphrodite

Iv-tec- My Mother Hermaphrodite? As a matter of fact your mama na 50 cent

Murano- My mama 50 cent? Your mama na B.I.G

(na so this two agbaya go argue from morning till night causing a hell load of traffic and wetin dey pain me pass be say person no go still know who them be with all the mouth wey dem don dey make since morning. Everything na format)

WETIN BE THAT THING? (WHAT IS THAT THING)

My people there is this question I have always pondered and I am hoping you guys would be able to give me a succinct answer to this question of mine. Let me give you a scenario. You see, there are some times whereby my old man go just they vex for no apparent reasons, the guy go just they form activity for the whole house and woe betide that person that falls into his trap that period. However what baffles me is the sudden transformation he makes back into sanity when one particular factor comes in

Sasuke- Daddy good morning, you promised to give me my pocket money during the course of the week and I was hoping I could get it today.

Mr. Uchiha- pocket money! Pocket money! What for? When I was going to school my parents never gave me pocket money, I had to tap rubber to pay for my school fees. I don’t know what is wrong with you children of nowadays.

Sasuke- but daddy you promised and moreover I can’t go to school to starve.

Mr.Uchiha- See this umpa loompa telling me he can’t go to school to Starve. Come on get out of my sight before I swallow you.

(I would grumble to my mother)

Sasuke- mummy, daddy doesn’t want to give me pocket money oh! ehn! Me I would carry generator and go and sell now, when NEPA takes light heat would wound you people ehn!

Mrs Uchiha- come on! You would do no such thing by the way, why did he say he is not giving you pocket money?

Sasuke- He said he tapped rubber to pay his fees and so I should do the same.

Mrs Uchiha- What! He can’t be serious. Tell you what leave him to me I would talk to him for you.

Sasuke- Mommy please do if not, no more generator in this house oh!

Mrs Uchiha- Abeg commot from here jare.

(behold, I enter my parents room the following morning only to see my dad in a happier mood)

Mr Uchiha- Sasuke my darling son. How much did you say you want for your pocket money?

Sasuke-twenty thousand naira sir

Mr. Uchiha- Here is thirty thousand naira. You are a man you have to learn how to manage. The driver would go and drop you in school on Saturday ok?

Sasuke- Thank you Daddy (Bloggers your confusion is as good as mine oh as here is a man who told me a day ago to go and tap rubber for pocket money giving me an extra ten thousand naira on the pocket money I asked for.so this brings me to the million dollar question. Abeg wetin be that thing wey momsy don give popsy chop? But whatever it is sha I sure hope my future wife can give me some of that mood changing delicacy. 4 real)

its your boy! Sasuke